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vannahpoo
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Name: savannah
Country: United States
State: Virginia
Metro: Lynchburg
Birthday: 10/9/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Friends, Music, DragonFlys, Eyes, Flowers, My Emo Butterfly, hott guys...and thats about it..haha
Occupation: Medical
Industry: Medical
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  xxvannahpooxx
Member Since:
8/1/2004
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| SO...
Mark decides he wants to move out of the housing he is living in now and get his own place.
And I was already supposed to be flying up to visit the 5th-14th....
SO...
Mark found a 2 bedroom house today.
And wants me to move with him.
I decided it was what I wanted, and I know he wants it bad, so I'm leaving on the 5th to move to Michigan.
Cold weather, here I come.
♥
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| It has been months since I have even been able to look at this thing.
It took my password and wouldn't give it back, but I fixed it yesterday.
So I love Mark, but he leaves for 6 MONTHS on Sunday morning. And I have lived with him now for 4 months, and I NEVER thought it would be this hard to have to let him go. I have known since I met him that he was gonna have to go to school, but it's hard for me to grasp...why can't I just go with you? But at the same time, while he is there, he needs to concentrate solely on school, so when he is finished he can get a good paying job where he wants...and then I can go.
Pretty much he can only come back on major holidays to visit. AKA Christmas and Thanksgiving, which means he won't be here for my Birthday, he won't be here for Halloween, he won't be here for Valentine's Day, which kind of makes me the saddest, cuz I have never had a stable boyfriend on Valentine's Day, and I was really gonna enjoy it.
The last 4 months has been a battle for me though, a really hard one...I have fell in love with someone that I probably wanna spend the rest of my life with, but at the same time, I had to disconnect myself from a lot of my friends, and I feel like they think I do that becuz I just want to be with Mark and Mark only...which is FAR from the truth. I have done this to stop doing the things I was doing, I don't think a lot of people realize how much my body can't take anymore. I haven't drank anything since Mark and I have been together pretty much, becuz when I first met him I had a horrible incident at his house where he wasn't sure I was gonna make it, he asked me to take it easy. So I did. I tired drinking the other day...and I was so sick I couldn't even sit and watch them record, I had to call my Mom to pick me up so I could go home and rest. I have never been this way, I was the one who could drink half a gallon of vodka and be straight to even drive you home if it was necessary...
I mean it may not seem like a big deal., but these changes are hard for me...I took 30-40 pills everyday of my life and I have stopped that, I don't think anyone really understands how hard that really is...just to stop, no questions asked...just stop. I mean I am proud of myself..but it is incredibly hard. It's like the only way I can be social with anyone anymore, is if I'm fucked up...I did this for years, I just don't know how to adjust myself back to the friends that are still doing the same thing. I just can't do it.
I want to be friends with everyone again. I want to hang out, especially since Mark is leaving, I am gonna be INCREDIBLY lonely and sad. I mean really sad. At the same time I just think, if I can last for 6 months, I'll be ok.
I just want my friends to understand, I still love them, and I think of them no differently, cuz a lot of them, I have been through thick and thin with. I don't want to loose them, but I don't want to loose myself again either.
I just wish you guys could understand how hard the transition of fixing myself has become, cuz now more than ever I wanna get fucked up, cuz I have no one...but I know I can't do that, or I also loose Mark, and possibly myself..I don't think my body can take much more.
All in All....STRESSFUL WEEK.
I need comfort.
Savannah Noel AKA Sweet Pea
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| I am more happy than I have been in a long time.
Seriously.
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| So I have realized its prolly been like years since i have written in this thing, ok not quite a year, maybe 4 or 5 months, either way...TOO LONG.
I pretty much love Ruthy and Abby more than life
Along with Johnse...
They make my life a little better.
I wish people would write to me on here, cuz i hate my life.
But Really...I love you all..
<3
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| So I think we all had a good Christmas, if not great! I'm happy to be alive, and out of my depressed state, I think I'm ready to get back out in the real world. I've been thinking a lot, and working out my emotions. Not to mention having a great time with my friends the last couple of weeks, I am quite thrilled to have my own place, though it may not be for much longer. I think we have all begun to grow into our own skin and ready to move on to another era in our lives, we just all have to find our niche. Maybe the only way we can do that, is just let it happen and stop looking and continue praying Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays! We all need to chill, find me, you know how I do <3 Savannah Noel | | |
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